I don't really know where to start because I know exactly what I want to say I just don't know where to begin. I guess as the weathers changed I've started to notice my own insecurities. In the winter you're trying to put as many layers on as you can to stay warm and cover up but in the summer its the complete opposite. Up until last October I was never bothered by this but A LOT changed since then.
Last October I was admitted to A&E as I was in agony and we thought my appendix had ruptured. In fact my fallopian tube had ruptured and I had a cyst on one of my ovaries. I was in hospital for a week which might I add felt like forever. Anyway as the doctors decided not to do an ultra sound to see exactly what was wrong with me, I went straight into theatre. (It all sounds so dramatic haha) When your appendix is taken out they do 'key hole surgery' which is where they cut four small incisions and take your appendix out. But as the doctors had decided not check me with an ultra sound before hand during my operation they ended up cutting me open (gross) to remove my cyst and fallopian tube.
After a few days in hospital, it came to taking my bandage off, which you can imagine I was very apprehensive about. So I sat down and slowly peeled my bandage away and I honestly cried my eyes out. Its sounds weird that a cut (which it was at the time) could make you feel so disgusting about yourself and I honestly hated my body. I had never really hated anything about myself until that day. I was very happy with my body. It took me a very long time to be able to look at myself and not want to cry.
Months later I'm left with a scar down my stomach, which doesn't bother me as much any more. I will show it to anyone which sounds weird if you're within talking distance I will happily explain it. But thats just my problem not everyone is talking distance I cant go up to people in the street and explain why I have it so I just cover it up with high waisted jeans, shorts or long tops. Honestly my scar isn't even that bad so I do feel pathetic going out of my way trying to cover it.
I really look to up to all the girls that have scars from recovering from self harm, that are able to stand proud and show off their battle scars. I say 'battle scars' because thats exactly what they are, you've come out the other side of your own personal battle in your life to see the beautiful side of life.
In fact, I salute all women who are able to stand proud of their body image and their scaring, stretch marks or birth marks. If anyone ever judges you for them please remove them from your life immediately, they are not the kind of people you need around you.
Be proud of your body you only get one body in life so appreciate it and look after it. I'm sorry I haven't posted a beauty post in a while. I have one coming up I'm just waiting for the pictures.
See you in my next post xo
